„Remco’s journey: from hearing aid to CI“

Remco is hearing impaired, wears hearing aids and is a social worker in daily life. Recently, he is discussing a CI (Cochlear Implant). In this new section, Remco writes about his process from hearing aid wearer to CI wearer.

Shortcut
Recently, I wrote that I had found a new job. In consultation with the doctors, I had moved the operation for the CI to the beginning of 2019. I wanted to start my new job first because I was very excited about this possibility. Working with people in a social setting. No longer a social worker providing care, but really working with people in a targeted way in order to give direction to their lives. But here it comes, there was something essential that I couldn’t do and that is working with a walkie-talkie. This is for the safety of myself, colleagues but also the clients. Often you work part-time in pairs and the target group is not that easy (homeless people/addiction problems). This means that I would not be able to respond adequately in practice if there were an emergency. The walkie-talkie is important in order to be able to react together, and that is where it took a wrong turn. Guaranteeing safety not because of the content of my work nor my qualities but purely on the guarentee of safety.
I finally had a job where I could feel at home, my hearing loss brings me back to reality. Once again confronted with the hard facts. Again, not being able to pick something up with my hearing. A new disappointment that I have to hide. Recently, acceptance is something I have to do very often.

Job with a future
I find it difficult to ask for help and to accept it. To accept that my hearing prevents me from doing what I love to do. Sometimes the question arises, what should I do and how should I do it? Perhaps now is also the time to broaden my view. Once again, find the energy to persevere. Maybe again disappointments to encounter, but perhaps also the opportunity to really work according to my capabilities. In any case, I would like to return to this field of work. Working with and for people, that’s where my passion lies. And that drive, that makes that I am going to look for a way again, but one that is structural. A job in which I can actually work according to my qualities and possibilities. I notice that I find it difficult to ‘fail’, but perhaps that is too big a word. I want to be able to do everything and of course I know very well what I can and cannot do. It’s difficult because I’m also perfectionist. I set the bar high and I put myself under pressure in doing so. Sometimes this is at the expense of myself and I notice that I get very tired of walking on my toes.
This is a thing that I can still work on in the future. But I want to do what I do as well as I can. This means that I am not easily satisfied. In my private life I am less concerned and I do not worry about it either. There I can put things in perspective much better and I don’t have to walk on my toes. Then I can relax and just do nothing. This is in contrast to how I approach my work, but my work is my passion. Not that I am my work, but it makes me happy. I find it hard to imagine that I might not be able to do this any more.

Operation with a silverlining
Anyway, the operation will probably already take place in October. And just maybe as early as September. Being flexible again and knowing that there is still so much uncertainty does not always make it any good either. I would like to have control over things, but in this case I cannot. I don’t know what the CI is going to bring me. This is sometimes difficult because I do expect something from it, but not in an unrealistic way. I do it mainly because I hope it will bring me peace. That I can resume my work, in whatever capacity. So that I can follow the people around me better and also because of a lot other things. I’m someone who can switch the knob very quickly. The disappointments can stop, but they may still be there sometimes. But I find it useless to be working on it. The reality is now that I have stopped working, the operation is going to take place sooner and that I now have to go to the Public employment service to see how to proceed in the future. Especially the latter is something I didn’t want to end up with, but apparently I have to give up the idea that I can make it on my own. A road with obstacles but hopefully also with a horizon at the end. A kind of silver lining…